These are some of the more popular monsteramis I have made. (No, I won’t make another one just like it for you. They are all one-of-a-kind.)

My name is Constantine. I never win stuff but recently I started winning stuff I don’t need. There was a raffle drawing and I won one free hour in a VIP booth at a strip club. I wanted to win the flat screen TV.


My name is Joanie. Bitch, don’t judge.

My name is Mona. I’m an asshole magnet.


My name is Jannica. You had me at “Free wine.”


“My name is Oscar. My dad told me he was going to give me a weekly allowance and asked me how much I wanted. I said ‘A dollar!’ He said ‘OK.’ My dad is awesome!”

“My name is Paco. My dad asked me how much allowance I wanted a week. I said ‘Ten dollars!’ He said ‘No.’ I said ‘OK, fifty cents.’ He said ‘OK.’ Then he asked my brother how much he wanted and he said a dollar and my dad said OK. I said ‘I want a dollar too!’ My dad said ‘Nope. You already said fifty cents.’ My

dad is a dick sometimes…”

My name is Ron Carlo. When I was 6 my dad took my mom to get a tattoo. He bought me ice cream and I read German Playboy magazines while we waited in the tattoo shop.

My name is Byron. One time I had a dream that I was peeing into a top hat. Then I woke up and I had peed my bed.

My name is Russell. I was helping my big sister chase something in the pool. She caught it first. It was a turd. I laughed and ran away.

My name is Veronica. I don’t get in hot tubs. Every time I get in a hot tub I get a yeast infection.

My name is Goldie. After college I wanted to move to England for 6 months. My dad asked me if I was a drug mule.

My name is Brandy. I don’t like sleeping in the same bed with my cousin when we are visiting our grandparents because she doesn’t wear underpants under her nightgown. The doctor said her vagina needs to breathe.

My name is Little Lupe. Sometimes

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my armpits make fart noises all on their own.

My name is Joe Frank. Sometimes I black out when I drink too much. Today I found an empty donut box and a bunch of emails I don’t remember sending.

My name is Taylor. My parents never used the real words for penis and vagina. For 10 years I thought what I had was called a pee machine.

My name is Pierre. I started smoking in college because I thought it made me look cool. It was a good way to meet people.

My name is Ruby. When I was 5 my dad bet me my allowance that I couldn’t beat him at checkers. I said Ok. I lost. He bet me double or nothing. I lost again. He never let me win at anything.

My name is Sal. I like to go to the roller skating rink on the weekend. I use my allowance money to buy French fries. I’m pretty good at skate limbo.

My name is Bob. I am not a morning person. “Ef you, Monday morning…and your friend, Nine A.M., too.

My name is Stevie. Sometimes I just need someone to believe in me.

My name is Jerome. Sometimes I get hot when I am sleeping so I stick one foot out of the covers.

My name is Warren. I like to roast marshmallows til they’re burnt and black. I eat the burnt outside and stick the inside back in the fire.