Alvin

“My name is Alvin. Sometimes I wish I had more middle fingers.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

dimensions
height (standing): 11”
head width: 4”
arm span: 10.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $40

Bazz

“My name is Bazz. There ain’t no party like a monsterami party cuz a monsterami party is… full of degenerates.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

dimensions
height (standing): 12.5″
ear to ear: 6.5”
arm span: 12.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $45

Cornelius

“My name is Cornelius.  You can’t bullshit a bullshitter.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height: 11.5”
body width: 4”
arm span: 13”

hand crafted using acrylic and/or cotton yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $45

Deadmau5 – assorted colors

Please indicate your color choice during checkout. Colors are subject to availability.

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

approximate* dimensions
height: 11”
body width: 4.5”
ear span: 8.5″
arm span: 9”
* Actual size varies due to yarn/color. Different yarns are different thicknesses and will result in differing sizes.

hand crafted using acrylic and/or cotton yarn, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $45

Dirk

“My name is Dirk. Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 10.5”
body width: 4”
arm span: 9.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $30

Francesca

“My name is Francesca. Eat a cupcake and STFU.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 11”
head width: 4”
arm span: 10”

hand crafted using 100% cotton yarn, plastic safety eye, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $45

Howard

“My name is Howard. Whenever I misbehave my dad threatens to stick his boot up my ass if I don’t knock it off.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height: 9”
body width: 3”
arm span: 9.5”

hand crafted using cotton yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $35

Jabars

“My name is Jabars. Beer is the reason I wake up every afternoon.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 11”
head width: 5”
arm span: 10”

hand crafted using cotton and/or acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing, toy sunglasses (no UV protection)


price: $60

Jake

“My name is Jake. I love cookies. My dad made a rule that I can only eat 2 cookies a day.  Sometimes when he’s taking a nap I go and sneak more cookies.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height: 9.5”
body width: 3”
arm span: 10”

hand crafted using cotton yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $35

Jan

“My name is Jan. I’m pretty on the inside, Bitch.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 8.5”
body width: 3.5”
arm span: 7.5”

hand crafted using 100% cotton yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $30

Kenny

“My name is Kenny. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 8.5”
body width: 4.5”
arm span: 9.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $30

Keyring/Finger Puppet – assorted colors

Scare people away who want to steal the keys to your cool shit (and many other uses probably, too).

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

Assorted colors. If you have a color preference, please note in “Special Instructions,” otherwise you will receive a randomly selected color.

finger puppet dimensions
height (standing): 2”
body width: 1.5”
arm span: 4.5”

hand crafted using cotton and/or acrylic yarn, felt, thread, keyring findings


price: $12

Lionel

“My name is Lionel. I don’t know what I’d do without you, but I bet it’s awesome.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

dimensions
height (standing): 9.5”
body width: 3”
arm span: 10”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $35

Maggie

“My name is Maggie. I don’t recycle because I’m worried the garbage man will think I’m a huge alcoholic.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

dimensions
height (standing): 13”
ear to ear: 6”
arm span: 12”

hand crafted using cotton and/or acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $45

Marcus

“My name is Marcus. Never get into fights with ugly people. They have nothing to lose.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 8.5”
body width: 4”
arm span: 9”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $30

Milo

“My name is Milo. I was being obscurely ironic before it was cool. The rest of you can stay lame.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

dimensions
height (standing): 11.5”
head width: 6.5”
arm span: 10.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing, toy glasses


price: $60

Nice Pooper

“My nickname is Nice Pooper because I have a nice ass. It has nothing to do with anal.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height: 9”
body width: 5”
arm span: 9.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $40

OVERNIGHT SHIPPING OPTION

Prepay to have your order shipped overnight (via FedEx, UPS, or USPS).  This $100 charge will be added to your invoice, but I WILL ONLY CHARGE YOU FOR THE ACTUAL AMOUNT OF THE SHIPPING.

** OVERNIGHT SHIPPING IS SUBJECT TO PRODUCT AVAILABILITY **

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Please indicate in the comment section during checkout which overnight delivery service you would like me to use.


price: $100

Paul

“My name is Paul. I hate taking a shower. I shower every other day. I try to schedule all my activities on those days when I shower.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height: 4”
body width: 3”
arm span: 4”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $25

Percy

“My name is Percy. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 8”
body width: 4”
arm span: 8.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $30

Perez

“My name is Perez. I don’t like liars. If you lie to me, I will cut you. That is all.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 10”
body width: 4”
arm span: 11”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eye, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $40

Peter

“My name is Peter. Sometimes my mom gets really mad at me and she screams at me and says she wishes I was never born. I ruined her life.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 8.5”
body width: 5”
arm span: 12”

hand crafted using cotton yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $35

Ricardo

“My name is Ricardo. Inner beauty won’t get you laid.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 10”
body width: 4.5”
arm span: 14.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $40

This product is currently out of stock.

Rosie

“My name is Rosie. I’m shy, but I’m easy and I give good head.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 7.5”
body width: 4”
arm span: 11”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eye, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $30

Sanford

“My name is Sanford. I try to learn something from every relationship I am in. Sometimes what I learn is that I am shitty at picking relationships.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 9”
body width: 4”
arm span: 9.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $30

Sherman

“My name is Sherman. I finally learned to love myself. And sometimes I think about you while I’m doing it.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

dimensions
height (standing): 11.5”
head width: 4”
arm span: 10.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $40

Stanley

“My name is Stanley.  One time I put salt on a slug to watch it shrivel up and die. Then I felt bad because I killed it.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height: 6”
body width: 4”

hand crafted using acrylic and/or cotton yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $20

Taylor

“My name is Taylor. My parents never used the real words for penis and vagina. For 10 years I thought what I had was called a Pee Machine.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height: 12”
body width: 4.5”
arm span: 13.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $45

Wine Bottle Topper – assorted colors

$12 FOR ONE WINE BOTTLE TOPPER

Dress up a bottle of wine to give as a gift. Keep yourself company when you are drinking alone.  Scare people away from drinking YOUR bottle of wine. Can also be used as a finger puppet if you have giant fingers. There are an endless numbers of uses…

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

Assorted colors. If you have a color preference, please note in “Special Instructions,” otherwise you will receive a randomly selected color.

For novelty/decorative purpose only. Does not act as a wine bottle stopper. Actual wine topper you receive may vary slightly from the one pictured.

dimensions
height: 3″
body width: 2″
arm span: 6″

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, felt, thread, nontoxic fabric paint


price: $12

Zeke

“My name is Zeke. Sometimes I wear my pajamas all day and order pizza for dinner because I don’t want to leave the house. Before the pizza arrives I put on clothes because I don’t want the pizza guy to know I wore pajamas all day and judge me.”

Additional DescriptionMore Details

Made to order. Ships in 2-3 days.

dimensions
height (standing): 9.”
body width: 4”
arm span: 9.5”

hand crafted using acrylic yarn, plastic safety eyes, felt, thread, polyfill stuffing


price: $30
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